I’m going to be honest with you guys, I am not happy. Seriously I am really not happy. I know some of you already know this but my husband, aka Absent Minded Larry Co. Professor, is deployed. So far he’s been deployed for two weeks and I’m still adjusting. I’m really sad. Now don’t get me wrong I know there are more pressing issues that mentally I should be focused on. I know I should be focused on the stupidity President Elect Donald Trump is doing. I know I should be down right outraged by the mockery he is exhibiting with the American political system, however I am going to be a little selfish and talk about how I really miss my husband.
I try very hard to run my blog like a business. I saw so many wonderful blogger at RT running their blog like a multi-million dollar company, even though they were doing all the hard work themselves. I’ve seen so many bloggers cross into video blogging (vlogging) with an interruption in their life, but I can’t continue as if Larry’s absent doesn’t effect me. Cause it does.
I meet Larry when I was 18 years old. In less than a few months we were dating. Honestly, in less than a few days we were playing hide and go seek in the dark. Oh those were the days! The days you could have sex in the dark and not be afraid that you’re partners unguided hand would accidentally grab a hand full of unwanted muffin top. Which reminds me I really need to work out tomorrow. Bring back to the main focus of this mini sorrowful rant is this. I miss him
I miss my husband. I miss him more than I though I would. I know the first time he had to leave for basic training, it was the lost of communication that I missed the most. The fact that I could only talk to him through letters, which was like decoding an ancient cipher! Now that we are experiencing his first deployment in what he has determined to be a long military career, his absent is missed. The entire house feels like it’s missing a vital organ.
The way my husband would wake up from a deep slumber, with the instinct to check on our daughter moments before she actually rolled herself of the bed. I miss how he would press his body against mine when I became restless in my sleep. I really miss waking up to mouth watering butter pancakes on the night stand, despite the fact that I missed breakfast with him and Zoe! Oh don’t even get me started how my husband always knew what type of tea to give me regardless if I told him I was reading an adventure book (passion tea), a romantic book (relaxing tea), or just needed a nice warm cup of hot chocolate. I never really notice how much his laughter would carry or bounce around the walls of the apartment. His laughter now missing, this apartment feels more empty and colder than the winter wind outside.
Many times Larry always felt because of his job that he wasn’t a real fixture in the houses. He use to make this joke that he felt like a step-father to his own daughter since he was working so much. I never felt like that, nor do I think did Zoe.
Zoe loves her dad like any child would. She doesn’t take this deployment easily. If anything she’s probably the main reason why trying to blog has become a true nightmare. Actually since Larry has left I found that Zoe and the dog Alcide, refuse to let me out their sight. Which of course you can imagine can be quite annoying when you see four small eyes accompanied by a wet noise attempting to peak through a huge crack in the bathroom door when you’re sitting on the toilet. If I leave the room for to long, I find myself being practically knocked down by a small body rushing towards my legs as tiny hands pull on my pants. Every time I ask Zoe “What’s wrong?” Her only reply is, “ please don’t leave me.” Those four words always break my heart. How could I possible leave you are the words I tell her while I wrap my arms around her. I know if this deployment is hard on me, it must feel like a never ending punishment for her.
There are times when I attempt to do things to make her feel absolutely happy. Honestly, I think I am giving in to her needs way to much since this deployment. How many tummy raspberries does a kid really need before falling a sleep! 2 hours worth is just hard labor!I mean serious, how is a mother suppose to sip her tea if she can’t feel her own lips! Yet the sound of her laughing is such a job.
I use to tell my husband that there were moments when I felt like I was taken advantage of. I felt that there were things I did around the house that he never noticed or cared about. During those moments he would just wrap his arms around me, smiling the scent of my perfume or new hair oil I just accused him of not noticing, while listing all the changes in the house. He would notice that the floor and rug were vacuumed since he left. He noticed the laundry he wash but forgot to fold were now put away. He would even name the perfumed I previously wore and the one I would be wearing just then. He noticed everything, even the lack of underwear I wouldn’t be wearing. Thinking about it, of course he would notice the lack of underwear that I would not be wearing, that’s how he noticed me before!
Now that Larry is away from home, I can honestly say I miss him. I miss al the small things he would do around the house that made it truly feel like a home. I love how he would wake up early in the morning to bake. I love how before the morning truly had time to rise he’s thinking about what to cook for dinner tomorrow. I miss the way the kettle would always be hot while another cup of tea steeped. I miss the scent of him after he took a long shower. I even miss how loud he snores after a long day of dealing with work. I miss how he would talk to me while I took a shower just to make the same excuses as he did the first time he did this when were 19, that he just wants to touch me again. Possessive lovable jerk.
Larry is gone. The scent of him in the house has finally faded, and we all feel his warm laughter missing in the house. It’s only been a week since he left and it feels like a century. I’ve been told by my parents that the best thing to do is to throw myself into my work, To focus as hard as I can on working. Keeping a happy face for Zoe. That during the night I can cry as much as I want when no one is looking.
I want to treat my blog like a business. To stay focus on book reviews, book tours, fan art, and of course bookish themes post. I wanted my blog to be like other blog that I witness at RT, yet the truth is Lia’s Bookish Obsession is not like other blogs. This blog was created by Larry as a gift for me. A way for us to stay in contact when he had to go away for his weekly deployments. I honestly never though that within a year, this blog would be used that way again. I though those days of writing my heart and soul onto a blog that i my husband would read in early hours when I would be sound asleep would happen again, especially so soon, yet here I am.
Larry please know that I miss you more than words can express. You are missed so dearly that even the dog bite my hand when I attempted to move your military books from the last steps on the stairs. You are the strength that keeps this family going. We are all so very proud of you, and yes I’ll admit I’m really jealous of you’re global travel! International book covers are the best! Just know that even though you are missed so very badly we still support you, love you, and think of you!
When you first asked me if I recognized the fact that you loved me so many years ago I said no. I said no because I didn’t see nor understand you’re love. To me, at that time I did not even notice all the small things you did for me under the banner of love. During that time love was not subtle, love was not gentle, love was not so sweet. Now that we have been together for so many years, I can honestly say within the deepest reaches of my soul. Yes.
Yes Larry i do recognized the fact that you love me. I see it in everything that you do. Everything that you have done. Everything that you continue to do for us and you’re family. Yes, always and forever yes Larry I see it. I know that you love me and of course I recognized it. You have subtly, sweetly, in addition to kindly. Yes, I recognize it. Yes I see it and I love you so very much for it.