CROCS?!?!?!

Monday, September 11th 2017

I know I’m getting old when my podiatrist gives me her best medical advice is to wear crocs. In her defiance, she said that crocs are great for house shoes but my god their still crocs!

So I’m 27 years old which isn’t a big deal, I’m still very young, I still have my whole life ahead of me, you know? Yet instead of having my entire optimistic life a head of me I have my entire career and optimistic career a head of me. I’m at the point of my life where I’m just trying to take my talent and transfer it into a reliable career that can earn money. For some people that is extremely hard but for mer I’m extremely blessed because everything I wanted out of life I did not get. Back in the day when I was wild and young, I wanted to live, or rather I expected to live in a one-bedroom flat in Brooklyn, New York having my only roommate being a selfish black cat. Now that of course did not happen since I don’t own an adorable black cat with a landlord that smells constantly of cigars and cigarettes, instead I have a fluffy Siberian Husky with an equally adorable daughter, with a charming husband who, might I add has the most addictive pair od dimples I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing. Did I mention that I live in a three bedroom apartment that has it’s own indoor pool and heated hot tub. Yes life is a lot better now that what I expected or planned for in my original draft of adolescent independence, thank goodness. This of course I’m not complaining because this life that I’m enjoying right now is a better than would or could ever imagine, that being said I notice that I’m getting old.

Getting old isn’t the problem it’s how people treat the fact that I’m getting old. For example just the other day I went to get my eye checked out by the optometrist when I was wearing my awesome Camp Half Blood shirt. Seriously, it’s a Camp Half Blood shirt, it’s from a book, there should be no reason why anyone should ever put a date or timeline of how old the references is because of its a book and its an awesome book as well. Clearly, this unwritten rule did not make its way to my optometrist office where a doctor who might I add gained his bachelors in Zoology and his minor in Science told me that Percy Jackson was quite old. He said that he hasn’t read a Percy Jackson book since he was in high school. From the way his certifications where freshly hanging on the wall without even the sun making a sun faded outline of the wall, I wonder if he just came out of high school the same time Zoe was born. Then again the first Percy Jackson book was published in the year of 2005, yet using that same logic Jane Austen’s book ‘Pride and Prejudice” was Orignal lathed published in the year of 1812 yet I have a wonderful cloth headband that delicious says “Mr Darcy” all over it. How is that headband not treated the same way? Yes I know Jane Austen was written in a different era, but my point is they are both really good books within their own writing style and target market. How is a Percy Jackson shirt seen as old ragged fandom while so many copies, remakes, and t.v? shows are based on Jane Austen characters, that to me is old. Actually, the marketing of Jane Austen books and characters are more than old, it’s tiresome.

I also knew I was getting older when I attempted to make human contact with another person. She came to my house, where I was planning to do nothing but watch Xena on Netflix. I kid you not when I started playing Xena the human in question was more confused on what the hell Xena was than why her frisbee had blades. How did you live in a world where you never heard of Xena the warrior princess? I remember my grandmother who recently celebrated her 95 birthday watching Xena with me just so she didn’t miss Hercules. As you can imagine she was a big fan of Hercules while I was a big fan of Pokemon and the Warrior Princess and her female stick welding sidekick. Which leads me to an entire new panic! If she never watched either Xena or Hercules, that means she never watched the amazing career flourish of Ryan Gosling as young Hercules, and his sidekick Iolaus played by Dean O’Gorman! How can you possible live in a world where the entire world was celebrating the release of Greek based movies, themes, and of course the adventures of an ancient hero in his youth! It was a teenage Ryan Gosling! I have been in love with all things Greek and all things Ryan Gosling since I was nine years old yet the person I hanged out with never neve heard of Xena, Hercules, or the Mickey Mouse club. Damn, I feel like I added three more candles on my birthday cake in one year. I mean the minute I come to my house to watch tv and I say,” Hey girl they got Xena on Netflix let’s watch it!”, and you’re response to me is you don’t know what Xena is, we simply cannot be friends.

Here’s another example of my life telling me that I’m old I was trying to plan an adult play date with a few girls to go watch a movie. Unfortunately, the internet was acting really slow while we tried to buy our movies from the Fandango app. Since we weren’t able to check the movie times because the internet was slow I felt nostalgic and said, “Hey moments like this make me want to dial 777-FLIM, right?” Girl, they did not know what I was talking about. I mean come on, seriously! Who doesn’t know about the Moviefone?

Back in the day when we did not have access to the internet, the only way you could get the movie listing was either by newspaper listing off by the sweet baritone voice of the Moviefone, which they did not know about. I’m not sure what to do but accept the fact that I’m getting old but I didn’t think it would be such a harsh and obvious transition.

I felt extremely elderly when I feel down the stairs now my podiatrist is telling me that I have to wear crocs to better support my fallen arches around the house. This is just sane! If I’m a 90’s baby and I feel like this I don’t even what to know what the 60’s and 70s babies are going through. I almost had a stroke when I was giving someone a ride and they thought Blondie was a new band. I don’t remember where I was going but I’m sure did wish I could throw them out of my car. But you can bet I was seriously thinking about pushing them out my car . . .

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